December 6, 2014 at 8:53 am #4152
I awoke this morning from one of the most vivid dreams I have ever had. For a while, I was there, and it was mid 2000’s, and everything was good. My wife was not yet harmed by ugly medical problems, kids in school, job going well, and that damn cat I got too close to, zozo, was all there and it was good, vibrant.
And then it all rotted, and I found myself in bizarro world, seeing fragments, but it was all jumbled, broken, and painful, at which point I awoke and wept for a long time.
Part of me feels a bit of shame, but the good part of me that somehow hasn’t been snuffed out by all that has transpired welcomed the grief, felt it and came out the otherside with new vision.
Nearly everything I value has been changed or broken, and when I am forced to confront that, I am amazed, angry, and… I don’t know really.
This was powerful.
I need to forge ahead and carve out new things. Much time and good potential remains, and I can squander that in grief and futile attempts to cling to those times past, or I can maximize the times to come.
Value what you have. It all can change. It can hurt, or be wonderful.
And you can always build. That is what I actualized today.December 6, 2014 at 6:43 pm #4168paulwalkerParticipant
I thought your insightful post deserved a response.
Your final thought is so true, and if more people realized it we would have less depression and suicides today, IMO. Of course, some can’t be prevented due to clinical mental illness.
As I age, my dreams seem to become more vivid. And though I lost my Dad well over a decade ago, and my Mother just a couple of years ago, isn’t it amazing how these two figures almost always end up in our dreams alive and well. Usually with both their good and bad characteristics.
I don’t really know why, I have read it is our way of “sorting out” these events, but it could be something more.
Just wanted to let you know that your post was completey relatable to me, and probably many others. I don’t think you are alone with such dreams, and sometimes they can teach us quite a bit.
Thanks.December 6, 2014 at 8:26 pm #4176jerry1949Spectator
I had a time in my life when everything seemed perfect for a few years, and then the bottom dropped out. Looking back it probably went from 100% to 75%. Instead of appreciating the 75% I focused on the 25% I lost, and eventually became bitter and depressed about it, and that led to a lot of bad decisions causing more misery. The bottom line is had I valued what remained, my life wouldn’t have been so bad, and might have gotten better instead of worse. At least I now finally understand the wisdom of “counting your blessings.”December 6, 2014 at 9:52 pm #4182
Paul: Just wanted to let you know that your post was completey relatable to me, and probably many others. I don’t think you are alone with such dreams, and sometimes they can teach us quite a bit.
Yeah. Thanks man. I had some genuine wonder about that. Said wonder is based in the understanding that I do think about and on occasion do things many of my peers do not, or they do not admit to it. Something like that.
So I shared it.
When things were very good, I didn’t have so many dreams. Perhaps your insight has something to say there Paul. I will think about it some.
The idea that we can respond to things in this way rings totally true. I get the distinct sense that pushing that experience away would see it wasted. I didn’t push it away for a strong desire to be honest and whole of mind. Why that is and how I believe it works is something I’ve written tons about here, so I hope that’s enough to make sense.
Freaked Mrs. out, until I told her it was OK. And it is! What I think happened was I am coping, building, struggling, just busy. Had to be during a do what it takes kind of time. It just was a lot of “takes” 🙂
So I’m sure I didn’t really process a few years. And that’s the part I find rings true Paul.December 6, 2014 at 9:56 pm #4183
I’m mixed about count your blessings.
On a basic level, having loved ones, food, shelter, etc… is a good day. Seriously.
On a higher level, failure to take context can leave one easily exploited, or not driven to realize and actualize as their potential would have them do otherwise.
The question is what is worth what? Each of us must answer that and strike a healthy balance.
So I guess for me it is more complicated than that.December 7, 2014 at 12:20 am #4197Andy BrownParticipant
“On a basic level, having loved ones, food, shelter, etc… is a good day. Seriously.”
Is a great day. One of three of those is a good day. Two a very good day. It’s not so much about counting blessings but rather waking and embracing another day to work on it.December 7, 2014 at 1:57 am #4204
Yeah.December 7, 2014 at 4:25 am #4205BrianlParticipant
This really hits home for me at this time.
Yesterday, my daughter (she’s 19) came into work. I sent her a text, joking about something, and she looked over at me and responded on how it was a rough day so far. I asked what was up, and she told me that she got a phone call from her best friend at about midnight the night before, telling her that a close high school friend of theirs took his own life that night.
My heart sank for her.
I ran across the concourse, and just held her as she collapsed. 19 years old, and having to deal with this kind of pain.
It made me extremely thankful for what I have, that I have the kids even though their mother and I are long divorced, for new work opportunities with all the changes, for everything.
And for all of you. Happy Holidays, damn it!December 7, 2014 at 11:49 am #4236Master of DisasterParticipant
The following will sound a bit disjointed since it’s just a couple quick comments on two subjects.
Every time I watch/read a piece of international news, I realize just how fortunate we are in this country to have our level of food, clothing, and shelter availability. AND that we have a price floor on the value of labor unlike the emerging countries. That and access to all the services we have we don’t even think about regularly (police, fire, medical, a military that protects the country from outside threats, etc.).
Brian, even though I don’t know your daughter I really feel for her. That’s tough to go through at any age.December 7, 2014 at 11:58 am #4238
Oh man, that one hurts! My daughter went through that a few years ago.
I am still impacted by a simple thing she brought to me, “Dad, I can text her, and see her Facebook, but she won’t answer anymore” And we hugged for a long time.
Comfort her Brian. It gets better for her, but it might take a bit to get there.
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