September 30, 2015 at 12:05 am #14358
I post this video for two purposes: 1) It’s an important message, and 2) Our daughter.September 30, 2015 at 8:32 am #14361missing_kskdParticipant
Indeed it is.
Just found out I’ll be a grandparent here soon. And it’s a girl.
I know we’ve modeled this for the kids well enough to be confident they will pass it along.September 30, 2015 at 9:17 am #14362AmusParticipant
Congrats on being a grandparent!!!!
I could tell you how awesome it is, but there is no way to convey how awesome it is.September 30, 2015 at 10:46 pm #14368
Yeah, congrats Doug.
When I mentioned our daughter, I was speaking from experience.
The story below is our daughter’s. She wrote it
This past fall I was a part of the It’s On Us campaign while at my university, which included having my picture taken for a poster that was hung around campus. Yet the story behind the picture means so much more.
I was raped just weeks before the picture was taken. I was raped by someone I had known for years, who I considered a friend, and who I trusted. I will spare you the details, but from what I remember, I don’t want to remember.
Since last fall, I have been dealing with the emotional and physical repercussions that come from a traumatizing experience like rape. It affected my studies, my job, my social interactions, and my romantic relationships.
It was not the first time I had told him no, but this time he went further than ever before. He came to my dorm room in the middle of the night and took what he had been after for years — control over me. I reported the rape to both the Women’s Center and On-Campus Safety, and he was banned from campus. I was still terrified.
A few months after it happened, I worked up the courage to tell my parents. They sprang into action, collecting advocates and counselors, police friends and lawyers. I ended up filing for a Sexual Abuse Protection Order (SAPO), which would prohibit the rapist from coming near my family and me.
I thought I was done. I was wrong.
The rapist hired an attorney to fight my plea for safety, stating that he wanted the legal right to “contact, threaten or attempt to contact” me. My battle wasn’t over. Through family friends and lots of phone calls, I was assigned two of the best lawyers possible. These two strong women fought tooth and claw for me, but that didn’t stop the tears at night, the shakes when I heard his name, or the feeling in my stomach every time I had to sleep on the mattress where he raped me.
With my team of advocates, lawyers, counselors, teachers, professors, and friends, I was able to hold my head above water and scream. I was able to legally fight back at a system that told me that being asleep, drinking, or wearing/not wearing certain fabrics meant I was “asking for it.”
I went to court, and though my lip was shaking and silent tears rolled down my cheeks, I sat up tall and watched as my SAPO order was approved for a few more months. I watched as the rapist and his family were held accountable. I watched as my mother and father, my brother and neighbor, my high school friends and my college friends, sat with me and fought the rapist with their silent stares of justice. The rapist has a permanent record now, so if he rapes again he will be charged with a felony.
It’s On Us
I’m still fighting. I still have flashbacks. I’m still learning to trust again. But just like the It’s On Us campaign poster, full of staple holes, rips from accidental backpack sweeps, and torn corners, I’m still strong.
I look at the poster now and I see so much pain in my face, but I also see a strength I didn’t know I had back then. This poster, the very same poster that hung in the halls of my university at the beginning of my war, now hangs as a battle flag in my bedroom. A safe bedroom.
It is on us to create an environment where people are safe from sexual assault, where victims of this crime are heard, and believed. We do this by talking about it, and I want to talk about. I need to talk about it. Everyone deserves to be safe, and everyone who breaks that safety deserves to be held accountable for their actions.
If this has happened to you and you are looking for someone to talk to, or someone to provide legal advocacy, please do not be afraid to reach out. Thanks in large part to the network of people who believed in me and supported me, I now see my strength as clearly as my pain.
Society pins the word “victim” to our chests, but I’m giving you a new word: warrior.
You are loved. You are valued. You are supported.October 1, 2015 at 10:45 am #14373Alfredo_TParticipant
I’m terribly sorry that your daughter had to live through that horrible experience. I am flabbergasted that the jerk who raped her, rather than feeling shame or remorse over what he did, had the nerve to counter-sue to challenge protective order.October 1, 2015 at 3:02 pm #14382
Thank you, Alfredo.October 1, 2015 at 3:43 pm #14383AmusParticipant
This is horrific.
I really have no other words.
I glad your daughter has strong support from family, friend and community.
Best to all of you!October 1, 2015 at 7:24 pm #14392johnlawParticipant
Chris, thoughts and prayers from my wife and myself. John…October 1, 2015 at 9:02 pm #14399VitalogyParticipant
What is the difference between rape and sexual assault?October 1, 2015 at 9:30 pm #14402BroadwayParticipant
Chris, my heart goes out to your Daughter and your family for what you went and are going through. It’s sad our justice system can be so cruel to victims. Sometimes its just time to take place for healing…God be with your Daughter.October 1, 2015 at 11:23 pm #14406
Thank you all for the support. It truly means a great deal to our family.
Vita – Here’s but one explanation I found…
Sexual Assault: the sexual exploitation, forcible penetration, or an act of sexual contact on the body of another person, male or female, without his or her consent.
Rape is an act of power and control, in which the victim is humiliated, degraded, and left with feelings of shame, guilt, and anger. If you are forced against your will to have sex with someone, that is rape.
I would add that these definitions come in to play when filling out police reports or the court system trying to define what actually happened. In my book, they similar.October 2, 2015 at 12:38 am #14411skepticalParticipant
Big thumbs up to your daughter for speaking out. Clearly this was a HUGE decision on her part to consider the needs of other (and future) victims ahead of her own. Good luck to her.October 2, 2015 at 5:16 am #14414BrianlParticipant
Chris, my heart goes out to your daughter and your family. She is taking this head-on, and advocating for change and healing. The support she gets from you and your family is what makes this possible.
Chris, sir, you rock.
Thank you.October 3, 2015 at 1:55 am #14441radiodorkSpectator
A disturbing trend I have seen are these Sports coaches that are sexually molesting/ raping young kids. Every time I open the paper or get on the internet there is a new story of some High School coach that has been found guilty of sexually molesting young players. And its not just girls, young boys are just as susceptable to getting sexually molested as girls are. The most recent one is the assistant Wrestling Coach at Gresham High School. Authorities are saying the number of potential victims are lengthy.
Parents if you have a high school student in sports- PAY ATTENTION to these coaches, there are far too many PERV coaches preying on the youth. You simply can trust NOBODY in this day and age.
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