A friend working at Fox has obtained a copy of the final agenda for Saturday's big Glenn Beck rally at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington:
Glenn Beck Rally Agenda
10:00 Come to order
10:05 Burning of the Constitution
10:10 Victoria Jackson attempts to count to ten
10:30 Sign spell checker brigade: fix those misspelled signs before the media arrives!!!
10:45 Victoria Jackson attempts to count to eight
11:00 Standing ovation for introduction of Glenn Beck’s ego.
11:30 Ben Franklin look-alike contest featuring Sean Hannity and Ann Coulter.
11:59 John Boehner and panel of Republican scholars explain in detail the new Republican ideas for 2010
12:00 Break for lunch: “Weenies on the Mall”
1:00 Goosestepping for beginners: Professor Beck demonstrates how to march and sound like Nazi and still pretend to love America
1:30 Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman mudwrestling contest. View obstructed by Mitch McConnell for those not paying special admission price.
2:00 Victoria Jackson premieres new song: “Obama, keep your Socialist Hands off my Medicare”
2:30 Don’t Know Much About History Panel: Matching wits with Sharon Angle and Jon Voight.
3:00 Professor Beck Keynote speech: fulfilling Dr. King’s dream of smaller government, a balanced budget, and a flat tax.
4:00 Ending ceremony: Professor Beck, dressed as Moses, tries to wade through the Reflecting Pool and ends up almost drowning.
[Please join us after the rally at Jake’s on 12th for our Rand Paul lunch counter karaoke contest!]
